Breakfast went well as I made one of the few things I am good at cooking - french toast. Low-fat milk, one egg beaten, cinnamon. Dip the bread in and fry it up. Top with syrup, raspberries, blueberries and bananas.
Breakfast was at 11am since my husband slept in (which he never has time to do!) so dinner was up next. I'm blaming the rest of the day's disaster on those cooking shows where they make everything look so easy. I watched those shows for weeks looking for the perfect birthday dinner, until finally, lobster mac and cheese came shining through my television screen. Dessert was easier to choose, boston cream cupcakes and chocolate orange cupcakes. The ease with which Ina, Giada, Sandra, and Paula whipped up meals gave me confidence that I could do the same! I forgot however, that I am not a chef as they are...
I had all my recipes planned and printed out, the ingredients were waiting in the fridge, and mentally I was prepared. I was smart enough to see how long each recipe took and realized I had to start with the cupcakes first. Through showers of expletives I carefully, and slowly, for fear of screwing up AGAIN, created the batter for the cupcakes. As I poured the batter into the molds I realized I failed to halve the recipe. Between the two cupcake recipes I was going to wind up with 50 cupcakes.....for two people....DAMN!
I thought that was the end of the cupcake battle, however I failed to see what lay ahead. Boston cream cupcakes are supposed to have filling. Ina took one of those cool pastry bags and shot some filling into her cupcakes, couldn't be easier right? Fat chance. I over-filled the pastry bag, cream was everywhere and shooting it into the cupcake without destroying it was near impossible. I managed to get them done as I mumbled curses and asked myself, why did you decide to do this? couldn't you just have taken him to a really expensive dinner?
I was excited to learn to make my own cupcake frosting because I'll be honest, sometimes I buy it and eat is all by itself. Everyone needs a guilty pleasure right?
I read and re-read the next set of steps over and over trying to understand the complicated directions. I didn't understand how a double boiler would make frosting, but hey what do I know about cooking? I placed chocolate chips and milk over my makeshift double boiler stirring and stirring and stirring. The next step was to dip the cupcakes in the "frosting." This doesn't look like Betty Crocker's frosting!? It's thin and syrup-y, not thick and creamy! S***!
As my husband laughed at the noises emanating from the kitchen I plodded on. It's too late to change my plan now. I can't leave the other set of 25 cupcakes cooking by themselves to go get real frosting so I dipped my little heart out, 25 times. I later found out from my husband that I made chocolate ganache frosting. I should've known Ina wouldn't use normal frosting!
Luckily the lobster mac and cheese went a bit smoother. Although grating and melting all the cheese was tedious and frustrating. The cupcakes took so incredibly long that the time for dinner had almost passed. Before my husband fainted from starvation I decided to make an appetizer - pita chips and dip. How hard could that be?
The dip was a sour cream based dip that called for parsley. I diced and chopped the parsley, added it to the dip and realized I had enough dip to feed 30 people. I proudly served my chips and dip to my husband who asked if I needed any help in the kitchen. I was determined to do this by myself so I replied, "Nope!"
I returned to the kitchen to begin the mac and cheese and glanced at my husband who was watching the game. I noticed he wasn't really eating the chips and dip. Oh no, he doesn't like it. I knew he didn't like dill, why didn't I choose the pre-made dip?! Because his mom makes everything from scratch and I'm trying to show him I can be a good cook, wife and one day a mom whose kids won't starve because I can't cook. I ask how the dip is, and he says great, but I know better. He's an eater and he's hungry but the dip is sitting there barely touched. I walk in to taste it myself (which I've learned recently you're supposed to do before serving anything, whoops!). It tastes VERY tangy and is hard to eat. I burst out laughing and ask why he ate it! He said he felt bad seeing how hard I was trying and he was kind of scared with all the curses pouring out of the kitchen.
I told him what I put in the dip and he informed me that I used cilantro instead of parsley. I thought they were interchangeable, like garlic cloves or garlic powder. Close to tears, exhausted and covered in food, I wanted to give up. He offered help, but I refused, still driven to finish what I started.
Another hour and I was done! My loving husband thought everything (except the dip) was great and he enjoyed hearing my struggles, reassuring me that with practice it would get better (and perhaps I had bitten off more than I could chew). He had to bring most of the cupcakes to work because they wouldn't fit in the fridge!
Lesson learned - don't try to go from zero to sixty, even if the ladies on tv make it look easy.
A success? For me it was, but I didn't cook again for a LOOONG time.
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